Sanity Lost, And We're Not Joking!
by BrokenLeadingLady.x
Summary: What started out as Sora trying to get away from it all quickly fell into a world of spying, m-preg, insanity... But what the heck else do you expect? Rated T for eventual male-x-male and matters that some may find squicky, but all in the name of humour!
1. Chapter 1

ALERT. ALERT.  
This fic contains stuff that some people'll find squicky, some potential OOC-ness, eventual male-x-male relationships and an OC all for the sake of humour. Please read at your own risk - I'm not held accountable for any deaths at the hands of this fic!

* * *

Chapter I: Please Leave your Sanity at the Entrance

Jet Ioaha, the world of white sands, black skies and purple seas, and also the place in which Sora was temporarily staying. He had come to the 'town on the eternal beaches' a couple of days ago for a holiday, because all the fighting was tiring him out, because let's face it, what was he, 8?

"I'm 15, actually," Sora reminded the author, who apologises dutifully.

* * *

Meanwhile, upon one of the cliffs surronding the area, the Superior of Organisation XIII sat with a telescope at his eye, staring down at the Keyblade Master.

"Master Xemnas!" exclaimed the Superior's second-in-command, Saix, as he ran over to his master... eh, make that ran _into_ his master, knocking him over.

"Saix, what have I told you about _watching_ where you're _going?_" Xemnas shouted, causing Saix to jump back and... _die_ a little inside.

"S-sorry, sir... but I finished recon here!"

"And?" Xemnas asked, rubbing his pretty head with his pretty hand whilst being pretty.

"Well, this girl called Manaka runs the place, and she was the one who got all the people together to build it, and-"

"I didn't mean I cared, Saix... Sense the tone, it's called being sarcastic..."

Successfully sensing the disinterested tone in Xemnas' voice, Saix decided to take his leave.

'Ugh, why the hell do I love him so much?' Saix mentally asked himself as he left his Superior to his pirate-style spying.

Xemnas focused on Sora harder than he had ever focused on anything before, until it was like the only thing in the world was the vision through that telescope, and-

"_Hey,_ welcome to Jet Ioaha!" announced an overly cheery voice behind Xemnas, causing him to scream and fall flat on his pretty face. Again.

"Oh, sorry! Didn't mean to startle you," the voice apologised happily.

"_Seriously,_ what in the name of Kingdom Hearts was..." Xemnas trailed off, looking at the little girl before him. She had long, black hair with a fringe, a see-through orange top with a black vest under it, a matching shorts and sarong combo with orange sandals. She looked to be about 10-

"Hey, I'm 16!" Sorry! She was 16 with a 10 year old's face.

"I do not look 10!" FINE. 13's the highest I'm going though. Anyway!

"Well, I wasn't going to shout at you because I thought you were 10, but after your discussion with the author, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SNEAKING UP ON ME LIKE THAT FOR?" Xemnas began his pre-scheduled screaming fit.

"That's what I do, I'm the chick who sneaks up on people," she replied calmly. "I'm also the owner of this town, so it's my job to welcome folks," she smiled.

"Oh, right. Manaka, is it?"

"Yayz, I'm popular! Lolz!1!11one!" Manaka suddenly beamed, jumping up and down, clapping.

Xemnas was slightly entranced by this strange behaviour, a look like he'd just been hypnotized on that pretty face of his.

"Um, ahem! Sorry, it's just, uh..." he began.

"Don't worry, I tend to have that effect on people, hee hee hee roflcoptr. Anywho, I gotta run. See ya! Oh, and if ya have any enquiries, just come see me. My office is the little building with 'l33t' on it. Bye!" Manaka called, skipping away and leaving Xemnas to wonder what exactly a roflcoptr was.

* * *

Elsewhere in Jet Ioaha, an argument was taking place.

"But DiZ, I don't get it! How could you be pregnant?"

"I don't know, Riku, I just don't know." The pair were walking along the beach, discussing the newfound paternity... Maternity? Paternity?

"Paternity," DiZ responded flatly to the author, who once again apologises.

"Anyway, do you know who the... uh... mother? Father? Is?" Riku asked.

"That is what we're here to find out. Or at least it's what I'm here to find out. You did just follow me, after all..." DiZ muttered.

"What?"

"What?"

* * *

Meanwhile, in Manaka's office...

"So what'd you find out, Manaka?" asked Sora.

"Well, there's at least one of 'em here. He had a relescope, too. I think he was spyin' on you!" Manaka responded, leaning back in her office chair and putting her feet on the table.

"Aw, man..."

"So, I alienated him by l33t-speaking!" Manaka said proudly, placing her hands on her hips and grinning.

"Nicely done!"

"I know, tee hee," Manaka giggled upon receiving a high-five from Sora.

"So, what are we gonna do about all this?" Manaka asked.

"Well, nothing yet. We'll wait til' they make a move first!"

"...Too scared to approach him?"

"Terrified," Sora replied in less than a heartbeat.

"Ah, well," Manaka smiled, cuddling her friend. "It'll be okay. I'm sure of it."

* * *

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Donald Duck shuddered.

"Why do I get the feeling that someone's hugging my boyfriend...?"

* * *

A/N: So, there's chapter 1! Yes, I know, there's some squicky stuff. And yes, I know, some people may be a little OOC. And yes, I know... there's the dreaded OC. *narrowly avoids several hundred bullets from angry readers* But all the squick, OOC, OC-ness and eventual male-x-male are all for the sake of humour. Bear with me, pweaze? *puppy eyes*  
So, thank you for reading! Chapter II'll be up soon, and feel free to review! x


	2. Chapter 2

Hello all~ Sorry it took so long to update, but here's Chapter II of my mind-bendingly cracky crack fic.

* * *

Chapter II:

"So... you're telling me I have a pregnant dude in my town?" Manaka asked, her eyebrow raised inanely high.

"That is correct," DiZ affirmed.

"Wow. Just...oh, wow..." Manaka stammered, trying to find words. _Any_ words.

"We're here for a DNA test," Riku chimed in.

"But not 'we' as in me and him," DiZ quickly added.

"Because _that_ would be messed up?" Manaka questioned. "Seriously, dude, how does a guy even have a baby? I mean, you don't have to crap the poor thing out, do you?"

There was a long silence in the room as all three thought about the predicament, intil the silence was broken by a moan of "Oh, God... I'm going to have to crap out my baby..."

* * *

Meanwhile, in a less m-preg related scene, Xemnas was not happy. He had lost Saix, Sora had disappeared and his telescope had fallen off the cliff and into a magpie's nest. Coincidentally, he had also been bitten to shreds by a magpie.

So, after all of this, he had decided to go for a walk, hoping that magpie wasn't following him or something.

As he was walking past the l33t Office (otherwise known as Manaka's office), he noticed a certain pinkhead stalking around the back of the building, seemingly on some kind of failing covert spying-through-windows mission.

"Marluxia, what are you-" Xemnas began, but was promptly cut off.

"Shhhh! Get down!" Marluxia whispered in response, pulling his Superior down.

"Seriously, what is going on here?" Xemnas whispered.

"I'm trying to hear what's going on in there."

"...Why, exactly?"

"It's complicated..."

After a while of crouching behind the building and either only hearing illegible mumbling or worse still, _nothing,_ Marluxia decided to call off the Almighty Eavesdropping Mission.

"Well, what a waste of time that was," Marluxia declared once they were out of the l33t Office's vicinity.

"Now will you tell me why you were eavesdropping on that girl anyway?" Xemnas tried asking again.

"It's..."

"Yes, complicated..."

"So much so that I can't explain it," Marluxia smiled.

"...Hang on, didn't I put you in charge of Castle Oblivion the other day? Aren't you supposed to _be there?_"

"Um... would you believe me if I said no?"

"No."

"Dammit."

* * *

Later that night, DiZ and Riku were sitting on the beach, looking out to the water.

"So... do you know whose it might be? The baby, I mean," Riku asked after a long silence.

"There's a few potential fathers."

"How many?"

"Eight."

Riku gaped in horror at the figure.

"Yes, that's right, Riku. I'm secretly... the town bike."

After a while of gaping, Riku shook his head to clear it of the many... _many_ graphic images that surged through it.

"D-don't worry," he said. "I'll help you through all this. Because I... I love you!" he finished, before swiftly moving in for the kiss.

"_Whoa,_" DiZ exclaimed, standing up, causing Riku to end up face first in the sand.

An uncomfortable (but understandable) silence ensued after all that, with Riku still face deep in sand.

"You know, I was... only kidding about all that," Riku said unconvincingly and muffled from his position in the sand.

"...For my own state of mind, I'll believe you," DiZ replied.

* * *

The next day, Manaka was out on the beach, unable to shake the feeling that an incident which was very uncomfortable and possibly even squicky to some readers had occured on this very beach, when Sora approached her.

"Hey, Manaka."

"Um...hey..." she responded.

"What's up? You sound... disturbed."

"I have a pregnant dude and a member of Organisation XIII in my town," she answered flatly.

"...A pregnant what now?"

"Oh, it's a very long, slightly OOC and very m-preg related tale," Manaka said. "One which I'll explain later. But off that subject, how's it going with you?"

"Okay... I just kinda miss my friends. I mean, I've been fighting for so long, not seeing them, and now I'm here, without them..."

"Aw... well, you've got me," Manaka smiled, hugging Sora again.

"I knew it! You're cheating on me with that girl!" came an angry, quacky voice.

"What? No, Donald, it's nothing like that! You know you're the only one!" Sora frantically explained, holding one of Donald's... er... wings. (_Man_, did that sound weird.)

Just as the couple broke into a loving embrace, another voice sounded.

"Gawrsh, Sora, you're... cheatin' on me with Donald?"

"Goofy? But... when did..." Sore stammered. Donald and Goofy both ran off in anger.

"Wait, wait! Donald! Goofy! Come back!" Sora called after his fleeting lovers, leaving a very bewildered Manaka on the beach.

"Heh, and _I'm_ the town bike," DiZ smirked, looking at the trio.

* * *

So that's that! Feel free to review =)

*And as for the Sora/Donald/Goofy thing... well, we all thought it, really. Come on. If not... well, I'll consult a psychiatrist.*


	3. Chapter 3 part 1!

A/N: HI! I am _so, so, so_ sorry for the delay on this! But, here it is: the first of a _two-part chapter!_ Oooohh!

I'd just like to thank, thank, and thank again the lovely person who left me a review - ya warmed my heart, friend~

Anyway, here is Chapter III: Part 1!

* * *

Chapter III PART 1(!):

Riku was wandering around the town, committing mental suicide thanks to the events of last night. Expressing your love for a pregnant guy then ending up face deep in sand. Yay. Every 16-year-old's dream...

At the same time, Manaka was walking down the town and saw Riku, and his very, very Organisation XIII coat.

_Preparing to lose all self-respect... and on with the day!_ she thought.

"Ohai!" she exclaimed, right in his face. "N1C3 T0 M33T Y0U."

"...What, now?" Riku asked, in a tone that just said "I've-just-expressed-my-love-for-a-pregnant-guy-and-ended-up-face-deep-in-sand". Yes, that fact _was_ that easy to tell, just by the tone of his voice.

The girl opened her mouth to say something, but promptly closed it.

"Damn. ...Uh, I mean... Damnz0rz," she said, trying to keep up the l33t-facade.

"G2G. Bai," she said, before running off.

Riku blinked at the proceedings, but let's face it, worse was bound to happen, so he just continued on his way, spreading the saddest, joyless joy ever. Yay.

* * *

At the same time, at the town entrance, Axel, Demyx and Luxord were coming through the town entrance.

"Uh... Hey, Axel?"

"Yeah, Demyx?"

The aforementioned Demyx looked confused, and a little scared.

"...Did I just... say words?" he asked no-one in particular, before the confused look intensified by around 30% and he wandered off.

"Hey, wait up!" Axel called.

Luxord just stayed quiet in the background, mentally cursing his luck for getting stuck with those two.

_Hm... I wonder what the odds of them spontaneously combusting are..._

Seeing a nearby and strategically placed Lexaeus burst into flames, Luxord smiled lightly.

_Maybe they're better than I thought..._

* * *

Meanwhile, Sora was still looking for his boyfriends. He had searched high and low, until he came to the cliffs bordering the town. He was wandering around them until he saw someone looking down to the town.

With no common sense at all in that so-called teenage head of his, Sora approached the figure from behind.

"'Scuse me, have you seen a walking, talking dog or a walking, talking duck?" he asked, under the impression that that was a perfectly normal question to ask.

"A-_HA!_ I found you!" the figure exclaimed, whipping around.

"Oh _*beeeeep*,_ Xemnas!" Sora exclaimed, before he set of running as far as those oversized feet could take him. He ran, desperately trying to avoid imminent doom *dun-dun-DUN!*, down the descending slope back onto flat land, frantically running for the town.

Having got quite some distance between himself and Xemnas, Sora ran into the town centre.

"Sora? What's happening?" Riku asked, seeing Sora's state.

"I... well... ah..." Sora jittered, bouncing up and down, the adrenaline rendering him unable to form proper sentences. He turned to see Xemnas gaining on him, to which he screamed. Loudly.

"VE GOTZ NO SECONDZ LEFT!" Sora exclaimed.

"...What?" Riku asked.

"CHEESE IT!" were the only two coherent words that left Sora's mouth after that, before he grabbed Riku's are and charged away, proclaiming "I'MMA GONNA DIEZ!" at the top of his lungs.

Oh dear...

* * *

A/N: So, there it is~ Once again, sorry I took so long! I've had this chapter written for ages, but I never, ever had the time to post it =( But, thankfully I have more time now!

And things get _pret-_ty good in the next part of this chapter, if I do say so myself. *You'll see!*

As always, feel free to review. I'd love to hear what you guys thought! =)

So, now there's nothing left to say except: Thanks a bunch for reading! =D


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